


the choice

by souveraiin



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, Mr. Keating - Freeform, Neil Perry - Freeform, Todd Anderson - Freeform, anderperry, meeks and pitts are cute ok, meeks x pitts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 12:08:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20564081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/souveraiin/pseuds/souveraiin
Summary: after the play, todd follows neil’s car and tries to persuade neil not to hurt himself.





	the choice

**Author's Note:**

> this has been in my drafts for MONTHS  
and it’s pretty lame since i just finished it now ! i’m sorry if the writing became crappy at some parts.
> 
> thank you for all the kudos for my past two stories !!!!
> 
> i love you all so much

it hurt. watching neil’s father drag him away hurt. he wasn’t a toy, he did so good, oh my god, he did a angelically stunning performance even. 

he couldn’t bare after watching his car drive away, neil looked back meeting only todd’s eyes. he’s never saw so much sadness in them.

as the car disappeared from his sight he gripped his hands tight.

“ mr. keating? ”

“ yes, todd? ”

“ drive. ”

-

“ you sure this is a good idea, todd? ” mr. keating asked the blonde. todd nodded in defense. “ he’s not safe. ”

all the poets were crammed into mr. keatings car with barely any space. charlie sat in the front, because why wouldn’t he? cameron sat where charlie’s feet laid, and meeks had to sit on pitts’ lap because of how they needed a seat for todd.

“ i think this is the house. ” charlie pointed, he’s been here before.

todd looked up, the house seemed like a happy friendly family, but what holds in that house is just a father who doesn’t want their own child happy. 

“ everyone stay in the car, i’m going to go get neil on my own. ” 

everyone looked at him stunningly.

“ a-are you sure? ” charlie asked.  
“ more than sure. ”

“ we can all go for backup you know? like create a diversion. ” 

meeks, who really didn’t want to move away from pitts’ lap, supported todd’s sudden bravery. 

“ let him go, charlie. he’s got this. ” meeks smiled at him, todd exchanged the smile.

so, todd sneaked out of the car and managed to climb up on the roof and looking through every window until he saw his angel.

“ neil, neil ! ”  
neil stayed in place, only thinking the calling of his name was only his horrific  
thoughts.

his name calling was accompanied with tiny stones banging into the glass behind him. he flicked his head to the side, not looking fully at the window. suddenly, a ladder appeared, making neil push his way out of the chair, facing the window.  
meeting the lovely shy eyes of the one and only todd anderson. 

“ todd, ” neil whispered only for himself to hear.

todd waved shyly, a small smile on his lips. he motioned his hands to open the window, and neil obeyed. 

“ todd. ” he repeated, now actually saying it to the boy himself. 

“ neil. ” his small smile now grew wide, pink blooming from his cheeks, not only from the cold bitter night, but because of neil as well. 

“ w-what are you doing here? ” 

“ i-i wanted to see you. ” todd studied neil’s moles, admiring them from a new light.

“ how did you even get here? you shouldn’t be here. ”

“ i-i made mr. keating drive me here, i was so worried about you, neil. god, so worried. ” 

neil grew silent, his eyes flicked to the chipped paint from the window frame.  
“ can i come in? ” 

neil still stared at the chipped paint, as if the answer was somewhere melted in the paint. 

“ neil? please. ”  
he looked back at todd. his eyes now filled with concern, and a hint of sadness. he only nodded as an answer. and helped todd into the room. closing the window behind him gently not wanting to wake up his parents.

todd then grabbed neil’s bare shoulders, taking the time and admiring his features.  
he hugged him, letting his body heat melt into his skin. 

god, how worried he was about him.

neil took a while to mimic the gesture. burying his face into the crook of todd’s neck. breathing in his sent, closing his eyes. 

he wished this could last, but as he knew, nothing that he enjoyed or even love could last. 

todd was the first to pull away, making neil crave more of the hug. “ what happened? ” neil smiles bitterly, making todd purse his lips. 

he couldn’t handle it anymore, he’s been building up this sadness inside him for too long. all of this pressure from his parents, wanting him to pursue his fathers dream, and balancing the weight of making his friends happy and bubbly. because surely a bitter neil doesn’t make a group of friends smiley and warm.

he broke down. sobbing into the crook of todd’s shoulder, todd hugging him tightly.  
todd soothed him with small ‘ it’s going to be okay, ’ and ’ i’m here for you. ’ he drew random shapes at neil’s bare, cold, back. 

he pulled away and took off his jacket, then taking off his sweater that revealed a collared shirt. “ put this on, you’re cold. ” neil obeyed and threw on the sweater messily, sniffing and wiping tears away. 

-

“ that’s what your dad told you? ”

“ yeah..i cant go to welton anymore. i’m going to good ol’ military school. ” he let the words drip from his mouth as if they were poison.

the two were sat next to the bookshelf, to support todd who had his knees to his chest fiddling with his jacket. while neil rested his head on his shoulder.

“ y-you can’t. you just can’t. ”

“ well no shit sherlock. ” neil’s voice was laced with bitterness.

the room was silent, the only thing that accompanied the silence was the small rustling static from the radio across the room. 

“ what if, you ran away? ” neil looked at todd where he met his eyes, his eyes glassy. 

“ run away? todd,  
i’m afraid i cant do that. ”

“ what do you mean by that? ”

“ i cant, it’ll be too much, besides, i have a better solution. ” neil mumbled the last part, todd furrowed his eyebrows. 

“ what better ‘ solution? ’ ”  
neil fell silent yet again.

“ neil, what is it? ”

neil chuckled hollowly, and dug his head more into todd’s shoulder. 

“ i was going to kill myself. ”  
the words rattled upon todd. making his senses go numb. the thought of a dead neil perry, made him feel sick. a world without a neil perry even, was the most horrific and treacherous thought he had in years. oh, a world without a character like him, where would this world be? 

todd’s eyes drifted to the desk, where a silver pistol laid, awaited to be used in a harmful way. 

“ and why would you do that? ”  
neil shrugged. 

“ my parents would worry about one less thing, and i don’t have to deal with this chaos. if i can’t live how i dreamed to be, what’s the point of living at all? i’m like a puppet. ” 

todd looked at him again, while neil traced circles onto todd’s pant leg. 

“ damn it, neil. ” tears threatened to spill from his eyes. neil lifted his head off his shoulder and looked at todd.

“ i hate this, i-i hate that you don’t get the love and appreciation you deserve. i hate that you mutter such horrible things about yourself when you’re the complete opposite. i hate that you drive yourself this far into killing yourself, sure, you think only two people wouldn’t care about your death. but what about us? the dead poets? m-me? mr. keating? ” the tears began to fall, it didn’t stop todd from venting though. 

“ you’re perfect neil, god extraordinary, even. not even the whole alphabet could describe how angelic you are. every room you walk in you make it feel like a dream, a type of dream you can’t even tell it’s real or not, and you don’t want to wake up because it’s too amazing. ” 

neil was stunned. he couldn’t comprehend that someone like todd, actually cared for him. 

“ and no, neil, n-no. i’m not just pulling this out of my ass to just make you happy for a couple of hours. i genuinely mean all of this, i-i care about you. that it’s unhealthy. abnormal even— ”

“ abnormal? ” 

todd bit his lip running a hand through his hair, tears still falling. 

“ i love you, okay? ”

the words made neil melt, as if he’s been wanting to hear that since he first heard todd’s voice echo in his ears.

“ i love you that it physically hurts. and seeing you like this kills me. ” 

“ you shouldn’t end your life only because you have people who like to rain on your parade. that’s why there’s a rainbow after every storm. ” 

“ todd, ” neil smiled at the name that could summon angels if he said it. 

“ no neil i’m not done- ”

“ todd. ” neil repeated, more stern.

“ what, neil? “ neil’s soft hands cupped todd’s cheeks. his thumbs brushing away the tears. “ i think i love you too, abnormally. ” the two both chuckled, soaking up one another’s happiness. 

there was silence again. 

“ hey, todd. ” 

“ neil, ” he whispered hoarsely, inching closer to neil’s face.

“ would it be okay if.. i kissed you? ”

“ oh god, yes. ” 

the two kissed gently, letting this kiss be the purest thing ever, with a bit of comfort. neil kissed him more deeply, and todd felt all weak and melty. he can’t believe a boy like neil could make him so weak like this, not that he’s complaining.

the two parted finally both looking at each other lovestruck.

“ oh, oh wow. ” neil blinked smiling at the fact he kissed the most lovable boy out there, todd anderson. todd pecked neil’s lips again, his lips curled. 

neil pursed his lips.  
“ we should leave. ” todd’s eyebrows raised. neil nodded. 

“ i want to. ” 

“ are you kidding? ”

“ no! let’s get out before my father wakes up. ”

they both got up the floor and neil grabbed todd’s hand and squeezed.

“ you know, we can’t be seen like this. ” todd said, a small smile on his lips. he nodded and mumbled a ’ i know. ’ todd gave neil a quick kiss and grabbed his coat, and throwing it on neil so he wouldn’t get cold.

“ watch your step. ” todd whispered to neil as he climbed over the window and onto the roof. todd followed neil and slowly found their way back down the roof, and running into mr. keatings car. there was a loud noise that echoed outside the house, neil’s father. 

they both exchanged glances and dashed to the car.

“ mr. keating! ” todd yelled while dashing to his car holding neil’s hand without notice. keating looked at the two boys his eyes wide. todd opened the door and neil ran right in the car, todd following. 

“ step on it ! ”

the car dashed away, there was silence.  
neil started to laugh, and laughed more.

“ what’s funny? ” todd asked, tracing his finger on neil’s hand. 

“ i’m free. ”  
all the poets clapped and cheered.

“ now all we have to do is get rid of cameron. ” charlie teased.

“ cameron grumbled, i’m right here, charlie. ”

“ i know, that’s why i said it. ” 

they all giggled.  
mr. keating looked at the rear view mirror and met neil’s eyes. 

“ welcome back, son. ” 

neil smiled, he knew he didn’t make the wrong choice.


End file.
